Having people all around, sitting on the same table, a spouse sharing the same bed, being used to a regular place and still not belonging there.
Synonyms of LONELY according to my thick, red, hard bound Merriam Webster’s Thesaurus are :
‘alone, lone, lonesome, single, solitary, solo, unaccompanied’
Though the thesaurus doesn’t lie, it definitely synthesises with the Chinese yin yang. As in, being right, yet embracing someone else’s correct. Being the good, but understanding, that the unacceptable, is also right, in its own strength.
The word lonely definitely means alone, unaccompanied and all of the above, but we connect to it differently. Loneliness is not physical. As in someone might be surrounded by friends and family, kins and clans, laughing, having fun and yet be lonely. It is not being single or married or unmarried or separated. It’s the inability to connect.
It is about missing home. Home is not a place. Being home is being at peace and harmony with the soul, our higher being. Being absolutely and deeply in love, with some goal or someone, still doing away with the restlessness and pining, in its absence. Being home is loving without the greed of being loved in return.
While we die only once, each of us leads two lives. One that comprises of the reality, that we live in, our family, friends, work, etc. The second one is a parallel world, inside the mind. It epitomises every wish and desire, the way we wanted it to be. Similarities in our two worlds is a rare disorder. When we humanly compare what is, to what could have been, it results in an insatiable, unquenchable, craving. Which turns out to be the pro-creator, foster-parent of loneliness.
The solace that we seek outside and the connection that we crave, is because of our embedded belief, a state of mind, that things could have been different – Oh! I could have studied in that university … or… She could have loved me.. or.. I could have written a best seller 😉
So, loneliness is
1) Not being able to connect.
2) Being lost and not finding home.
3) Is born out of dissatisfaction.
4) Is a state of mind.
I have often heard people say, there is no solution to loneliness, it cannot be technically solved, but distracted from. Balance is the law of nature. There can never be a problem that cannot be solved. Not being overtly optimistic, sometimes the answer remains undiscovered or uninvented.
When facing a difficult situation, like feeling socially isolated, the most important thing is to work out ‘the why’, the reason. Why am I not connecting to people around? The answer would probably be, “l don’t like them”. Stop lying. You reflect you, not them. You don’t want to be with them, because of your own traits like an inferiority complex or having a low self esteem or being dissatisfied with yourself. Diagnose your exact problem and work on it. If there is a problem in the root, go back to that same root and start solving from there.
If you wanted to study in a particular university years back, you can still apply…. It is much better than thinking about it for the rest of your life…similarly may be she’d love you…or slap you. At least you won’t waste your time wondering. And I will definitely write a best seller.
Sometimes we are very occupied in our own lives, as in we aren’t interested in anyone else. Now that is not loneliness even if physically we are all alone.
I am no psychiatrist nor therapist. Just a keen observer. And when I look through my imaginary drone camera, it is kind of ironically funny. I am fascinated by a whole lot of unconnected dots, that would make a picturesque view, if only they made an effort to reach out to one another.
Copyright © Neha Jhunjhunwala
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